Thursday, April 1, 2010

Road to Gimcheon...how I almost died twice...

I wrote the following story last year, May 31st, 2009.

Gumi to Gimcheon the long way around.

I have to hand my grades for my University. I have been putting it off, waiting for a suitable day to ride my bike to Gimcheon. Today was the perfect day for it, cloudy, so the sun didn't get in my eyes. Windy, so the wind would blow the heat off my humid skin and in the middle of the week, so the traffic wouldn't infringe upon my freedom.

Today was a great day to ride.

So, I did. I rode the long way around, instead of the direct route. taking every side road and path available. Using instinct to guide me and trusting the logical nature of Korean civil engineers. I made it to Gimcheon without incident in no time at all. I even found a newly completed road which will shave 10 minutes of the 50 minute apartment to office trip.

Now, when I say "no incident", I mean no major incident. And when I say "major", I mean no incident that ended up with me in the hospital. And I get it. You are probably saying to yourself, "Well, Mike...that could mean anything. That could mean you ran down 2 old ladies, took some acid and won a fight with some gangsters". And you are right...it could mean that. And while I have done all of the above, I didn't do any of them on this particular trip, so we can put that aside right now.

My non-major incident on the trip to Gimcheon involved an intellectually limited avian creature. I can't say for sure what kind of avian creature, but I can say it was brown, shrieked upon impact and seemed packed full of red liquid. While I don't know many facts about this said creature, I am on expert upon the above three facts. As to how I have these expertise, it will be explained later in this communication. And here is why...

Mid way through my journey to Gimcheon and its various surrounding roadways I came upon a newly paved stretch of road, which no one else seemed to know about. It cut through the mountains, while the old road skirted them. Upon finding this road, I did what any normal person would do in my position. I drove to the beginning of the road, switched my MP3 player to "Walk" by Pantera and hit the gas...obviously. I got my bike up to 135 when I noticed a flock of birds darting back and forth across the road in front of me.

Everyone has seen this sort of thing. Birds dive bomb across roads in front of cars in order to lead them away from their nests. Or at least, that is what I have always thought. Anyway, because this was a newly made road and cut through the forested mountains, it seems the road was cut right through a brown, screeching, red liquid filled avian creature nesting ground. I say "nesting ground", instead of "nesting area:, because nesting area implies a limited space and this was by no means the case. Not limited at all. The massive flock of darting brown, screeching, red liquid filled avian creatures continued to dart across my path for a good 10 seconds.

Now keep in mind I was cruising along at 135km/hour when all this started. While I did slow down during the next 10 seconds after this all began, I was still going at a very fast pace. Then it happened. One of this species...perhaps a retarded one. Maybe one with Downs Syndrome or some other kind of idiocy slammed into the right side of my helmet/visor. Things brings me to how I have acquired expertise on the 3 facts of this particular species of brown, screeching , red liquid filled avian creatures.

I know that they are brown, because saw them clearly darting in front of my bike in their many multitudes. I know they screech upon impact, because the particular mentally challenged avian creature that slammed into my helmet screeched with uncommon clarity and surprise. I know that they are filled with red liquid, because the particular imbecilic brown avian creature that screeched with uncommon clarity and surprise as it slammed into my helmet exploded with that said liquid. Cracking my visor, spattering red liquid all across my vest, visor and vision.

Now, normally this would not be a problem. Just a simple matter of, saying "Oh darn!", reaching up, perhaps with a handful of wet-naps and cleaning the aforementioned red liquid in order to have a clear field of view. However, not only was I without wet-naps, I was also hurtling along a newly paved road at upwards of 100km/hour. As well, I was unable to say "Oh darn", because at that particular time my mouth was already filled with several other descriptives and while "Oh" was being used. "Darn" was not.

Luckily for me, no traffic was on the road and I was able to slow down at an even pace, weaving back and forth between both lanes of traffic freely. When I had stopped, I took off my helmet and surveyed the damage. A piece of my visor had fallen off, my shirt was covered in red...like a Pollack painting...but other than that I was fine.

Anyway, I found the next gas station and changed my shorts and Pollack'ed T-shirt for my "dress" clothes I had brought along for being on Gimcheon Campus and headed out. So, as I said above...no major incidents.

This brings me to my trip home. After spending 3 hours in my office, filling out grading forms and listening the pattering of "Emo", the old cleaning lady who still seems to think I can speak and understand Korean fluently after 3 months of me saying "I don't understand" to her, I was ready for the trip home. I changed back into my shorts, but kept on my button up "dress" T-shirt, that more resembles a Sipowitz shirt than anything else, and headed out.

The trip home was much faster, I was more familiar with the roads and it was getting hot and humid out. I took one back road to scout around the township of Apo and then decided to look for a Family Mart or other convenience store to grab a beer and think about the trip thus far. Getting close to Gumi, I found just a shop, right across from the Rainbow Motel. I parked my bike in the bus stop, next to the shop and stepped inside with just a little bit of hesitance. One never knows what to expect in these little shops. The sign outside said it sold cigarettes, but because it was not a franchise and it was in a town of no description on the edges of Gumi, inside could be anything.

Parting the flapping drapes I entered the dark store. Upon immediate entrance I couldn't see a thing. The lights were turned off and having entered from the bright outside, I was sun-blinded. I headed directly for the one thing I could see...Coca Cola cooler. It had a small selection of drinks and I grabbed the only brand of beer they had...a can of Hite...and a water. By the time I was ready to turn around and scan the store my eyes had adjusted to the dim light. I did pause a moment to survey the tiny assortment of snacks on the shelves, before getting ready to pay at the counter that was to the left of the door.

I had not noticed it on the way in, because I was so sun blinded. Anyway, I was quite surprised to see a young and attractive woman working the counter. In the multitude of these establishments I have been to, there is always an old man or woman working behind the counter. Small town, non franchise, middle of the day...weird.

Placing my items on the counter and with fully adjusted eyes it was then I noticed something else. Behind the attractive girl, in a side room were 3 other girls lying on some sleeping pad, stretched out to avoid the heat." Hmmmm," I thought to myself, "was I interrupting some summer sleep over?" I paid for my items. 2100 won, and stepped outside to rest at the bus stop, drink my drinks. I had the beer first and it's tingly coolness washed down my throat and cleared the road dust from my lips. Nice.

I had the water next and it was while I was engaged in this action that sets me upon the next incident of this story. Of course, once again, I must say that this was not a major incident...just an incident, one of which, as anyone who knows me can attest to, that I have many. Anyway, as a drink my water, with cold condensation rolling off the sides of the bottle onto my already sweaty short, an old woman had just got off the bus across the rather narrow road between the Rainbow Motel and the store.

Now, when I say old, I mean to say ancient. White hair in a wild friz, bent -backed with a wide bow between her short legs. She was wearing red and black pantaloons (?)...similar to MC Hammer pants, but less shiny. and a red shirt. She had a child's stroller packed to the brim and was just righting the goods inside as the bus, numbered 557, sped away. She waiting patiently across the street, waiting for a chance to cross. It was during this time that she eyed me with cataracted eyes, squinting and seeing what I was about. I squinted back and we had ourselves a squinting competition. Of course she won, given that I get distracted easily and as all old Asian woman have, she had a permanent squint that cannot be beaten.

She waited there in the heat, for over 10 minutes, watching me finish quenching my thirst with my bottle of water and finding no break in traffic to cross the road. Finally, I through out my garbage, boarded my bike and was ready to pull out onto the road. I decided at that moment to pull out slowly, giving the squinty ancient lady a chance to cross. I looked both ways, found a spot and inched into the road, doing so slowly enough that the car direct behind me had to slow down to allow me in. I beckoned the paleolithic woman and tried to wave her through. She looked up from her permanent squint long enough to smile...if one can be said to smile if they have no teeth...and continued at a snails pace along the crosswalk, pushing her stroller full of boxes.

It was then that a blue truck came whizzing over the crest of the hill 70 meters up the road from me. Going in the opposite direction as me, coming up on our position. To avoid the old lady, he decided to go into the opposite lane of traffic...my lane. The lane I was in, apparently not noticing the big silver scooter, with the bright blue shirted foreigner on the back, but still noticing the ancient MC Hammer wearing red panted old lady. So then this numskull finally does notice me, going even further awry into the bus stop and barely avoiding crashing full frontal into the store with the Korean sleeping over.

That got my heart hammering. So, I buzzed home as quick as I could and set about writing while the details were still fresh.

And that is how I almost died today...twice!
Since this is my first blog entry in a RE-new-ED blog, I thought I would start at the beginning. The following post is one of the first diary entries I ever made after I arrived in Korea. It was written over 5 years ago and reading kind of makes me laugh at how ignorant I was about certain things. It is a good first hand account of someone first arriving in Korea and not knowing a thing about what is going on.

Stereotypes

I don't know why I called this entry stereotypes, but I am sure I will get to it! :)

Today was a day of total discovery. I washed my clothes for the first time and did so thinking "how am I gonna dry these things", since in South Korea they have washers, but not dryers. When I took out my first load and waited for the necessity to help me invent my way out of the situation, inspiration struck...the heated floor. I knew it would be useful for more than just keeping my tiny feet warm! I put the clothes on the floor went out on an errand and when I came back they were not only dry and slightly toasty, but also flat as boards and non-wrinkly...as long as they are placed on the floor flat they dry flat!

As a note to any who try this...make sure you clean the floor before you place your clean whites on the floor. Why do I always have to learn through mistakes! Anyway, my second load is drying right now and the ingenuity of it all makes me smile with self satisfaction.

As to the errand I went on. I started by going into work on my day off to work on understanding Hangul...or the Korean written language, for the ignorant (but there you go, now you are no longer ignorant). Anyway, I worked on it for about three hours figuring out the language patterns and I think I have grasped the basics ...understanding the pronunciations is hard in a many cases, but it helps to have 4 Korean born teachers around me at the school. An old childhood friend of mine (G. S) who has lived in South Korea for 3 years should be able to help me figure out a lot of my problems when I visit him in a couple of weeks.

A Korean owner of an English School I met on the bus ride to Gumi told me about E-Mart and stressed how cheap the prices were. I finally decided to take his advice and check out what all the hype was about. A quick mention about the taxi, when I got in I asked to go to "E-Mart" and he looked very confused finally he said "E-mah-tuh" and I nodded...apparently they call it E-mah-tuh...good to know.

Upon arriving after a quick drive that gave me a good look at the entire city...so far I have lived in and visited 3 Dongs (my home Hyong-Gok-Dong, Song-Jong-Dong and Downtown)...the city is more expansive that I had thought. The hills that surround my home Dong on three sides had led me to believe the city was smaller than it actually is.

E-Mart is kind of like Wal-mart, but instead of one giant one-floor warehouse, it is a 3 floor warehouse with the basement for produce, middle floor clothes and top floor random stuff (from Neo-Ikea to Radioshack). One thing that has always amazed me about the market and the bigger stores I have been to, has been the amount of employees...E-Mart was no different, in fact it is worse.

I have always been a no-pressure shopper. I hate when the store clerk asks me how I am doing and I dread going into small shoe stores because of that very reason. Here it was hard to escape, there is not just an employee every section, there is an employee every isle...sometimes more than one.

In fact my first time downtown I walked into a clothes shop and the store clerk followed me around 2 feet from me while I went from isle to isle looking for shirts...no lie a couple of times I stopped to turn around and was blocked by the clerk who almost stubbornly got out of the way.

Back to E-mah-tuh...I put on my head-phones and cranked up my music. 90% of Koreans can't speak any English, 9% speak English like I speak Korean and the 1% that can communicate ALWAYS wants to talk. So, when shopping I usually put on headphones partly to drown out the annoying "blah blah blah" of sellers of product, partly to drown out the terrible Korean-Muzak from the roof speakers and partly to keep separation from any Koreans that might want to talk English for practice.

The main floor really held no interest for me and was targeted at the majority of the shoppers...it was a giant woman's section. Jewelry, watches and shoes were right near the entrance with escalators going up and down. Clothes extended farther back, but they are of no interest to me, since most won't fit and I already own more good clothes than I have at any other time in my life. Coming to Korea at Christmas was a bonus for that!

I went up the escalator, which was set at such a high incline as to make you almost loose balance and fall, but not quite. I also did my best to avoid the clerks that guarded their isles staring down any shopper with intent to help whether it was needed or not. The head-phones helped in this and I kept my eyes to the ground, a habit I have picked up, since the locals always stare at me. Foreigners here are as rare as a black man in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan...1/10,000 from what I have seen. 

At one point the conveyor belt/escalator just stopped. However, I couldn't just start walking up the ramp, because the people in front of me with their carts were blocking my way. I couldn't understand why they didn't just push the carts up...I mean sure, the ramp was steep, but they could have done it. Instead they just stood around talking, standing in place, blocking the aisle of the ramp. It was really irritating. I began to think all kinds of negative thoughts about how lazy Koreans were and wonder why they didn't just push ahead. It wasn't until I had left the store and gone back to work that my boss explained that the conveyor belts and carts had magnetic attachments. It was impossible for the people with the carts to continue up the ramp, because they were stuck in place. I felt like a moron...my first experience of cross-cultural judgment and I was on the wrong end.

Anyway, I didn't really find the prices to be that cheap. I bought a 1 knife, 1 spoon and 1 fork for $6 Can, and the batteries were cheap (20 AA for $8), but overall it was pretty pricey). I headed downstairs and was absolutely blown away!

I found where all the tall Koreans work...in the E-mart basement! It was absolutely unreal. 6'4'' South Koreans walking around like nothing was out of the normal...it was quite jarring to go for two weeks being the tallest guy in the city to being the town midget!

These giant Korean clerks were more numerous, if less crazy for enforcing their help upon the unwilling. There were tall beautiful women at the end of every second isle waring short pink mini-skirts giving away free samples...of food. And the Booze section was huge! I still can't bring myself to buy alchohol at any establishment other than a bar. I live alone and cannot see why hard liquor and groceries should ever mix (Conservative Canadian Upbringing Alert!).

It turns out Mall-Rage transcends borders and the shoppers here are just as stupid as back home in Walmart. Example: leaving cart at angle taking up whole of busy isle. I mean, you think these giant Koreans could use their giant arms and move the carts! :)

The produce was only slightly cheaper than back-home, but it was nice to able to buy pork-n-beans and snickers bars. A pack of 4 mach-3 razors goes for about $20. I also got some local equivalent of scope, which has a pleasant taste, without the addition of alchohol, for $3. Unfortunately, my main goal of finding some Excel or Dentine gum could not be met...the gum here sucks! I will have to tell James and Anita to bring me some when the come over in June!

Almost done bare with me....

I went to pay with some trepidation, as I had only brought around 50,000 won with me and though I have a Korean bank card...I have never used a debit machine here. I loaded up my groceries and took off my head-phones...I knew she wouldn't be able to talk English, but it just feels rude to wear the things when exchanging money...I know, I know I am a social norm junkie.

Anyway, everything was going smoothly until I saw the price of 53,000 won exceeded my cash inventory. I took out my debit card and looked for a machine...thinking "I can't read Korean yet, and come to think of it is my account checking or saving". However, I was saved and as it turns out, all you need to do is slide the card through and enter you PIN. Excellent I had done it...or had I...clerk said something to me in an excited tone and refused to give me my card back. She then pressed some button and the cashier sign #12 began flashing while emitting a whining pitch!

The people behind me got that look on their faces that also transcends borders...the "dammit I chose the wrong line" look...and the clerk held my card in two hands and tried to wave down a store manager. He obviously did not see the flashing #12 or hear the noise because soon after she motioned for me to pick up my bags and follow her.

Seeing the stocky manager talk to the still-excited clerk caused me heart to beat a little faster. I have always had a fear/dislike of authority and many thoughts went through my head, "did I not have enough money, did I enter the wrong PIN, why are they still letting me hold onto the groceries?". I was waved over to some office type environment on the right side of the store and greeted by a clerk who actually said "hello". I responded with a confused look on my face...she told me write my name and phone number on a pad that had many names and phone numbers on it. Upon following her directions she gave me my card back along with a pseudo-money note for 5000 won.

I asked her why, she said it was a gift certificate and waved me on. Apparently, there had been no trouble after-all...the stores computer must have picked up that I was a first time shopper or something. So not only did I get an extra adrenaline surge, but I also got a gift certificate for $6.50...whoopee!

I guess I didn't get to why I called this journal entry Stereotypes after-all.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Plutocracy

Another body on the news today.
At least one everyday.
I wonder,
if in all the time in all the minds,
if ever,
just once,
humanity made it through 24 hours without eating itself.

But there are many levels and like all things,
except science,
it is subjective.
A view from many windows ranging from nano-to-macro.

Common words describe horrors which in turn become common.

A Micro cosmos of infinite wisdom pour down through history,
falling,
dripping,
through grasping fingers
until all we have left is... Common knowledge.

A fly crawls across a swollen belly and flicks to a and fro,
dancing with it's partners up dry nasal cavities
and it evokes nothing more than mild irritation.

A blink,

a push of a button...

"...and another survivor is kicked of the island." (Mocking radio voice)

10% controls the masses and if you do the math the other 90% do without.
Without math, because they don't have classes.
Without class because, we are the cattle

No more pyramids,
there's a brand new paradigm
An old world order,
a grand new design.
But don't worry, you can't fight it...

...it's already here

A fascist oligarchy sits in an ivory tower
We the earth, their solid foundation
A ruling plutocracy has bought their power
We are the people, they are the nation.

We have sold our souls
Morality is illusion,
dispensed on a personal level
Religion aids in the confusion
It serves its own goals

The faithful call for peace, goodness and turning the other cheek.
yet their Walmart hand-bags and denim levi's are all that they seek.
They say heaven awaits for the humble and meek,
but heaven exists already for them and for me,
For our future is bright and theirs so bleak.

For the ones and more that break from the streets,
scratching life from the rock and skill from belief
They become polluted by the process
Empty soul sockets, but don't worry...
Gucci provides relief.